Saturday, August 30, 2008

More Reasons to Love Tim Gunn

I totally adore Tim Gunn. The second season of his show Tim Gunn's Guide to Style is starting on Oct. 2. You bitches better all tune in!

He must be doing some press for it (or Project Runway) and OK magazine started asking him about the fashion sense of different celebrities. He dishes on all sorts of people, but my favorite is when he says that Jennifer Aniston dresses like a "desperate character". giggle giggle He also says that Cindy McCain looks duct-taped. I couldn't agree more. She looks like she's wound too tight.

I wish I could meet him for coffee. I think we would be great friends. Well, maybe in my mind we already are.... Can you say restraining order?

Click here for a better description of the article.

Seriously, Try the Fruit Dip

I went to a housewarming party last weekend. I made some desserts that I'll describe in another post, but I also had to think of another crowd-pleasing dish. I remembered the great Fruit Dip recipe that I posted earlier. Another girl had brought a nice fruit salad with pineapple, blueberries, melon balls and grapes. We put the Fruit Dip in a bowl in front of it. It tasted great and it was a nice, healthier alternative to the higher calorie desserts.

So, seriously folks, try the Fruit Dip. It's retarculously awesome!

Diamond Diva

I rejoined my friend's softball team. I'm not so good but I like to play. We have a fun bunch of people--some of whom are really talented softball players.

Everybody is really encouraging so it doesn't make me feel so bad when I drop the ball, can't hit the ball or a whole host of other errors.

I'll be hitting the batting cage before our first game on Thursday. Hopefully I'll be able to hold it together and do a good job. I'll be playing catcher which should keep my knee problems to a minimum.

If anyone wants to come and see us, we play on Thursday nights at Desert Breeze. GO TEAM!

Friday, August 29, 2008

Stripper Beach Stroll

Who said lucite heels were just for the main stage? Shauna Sand shows us that we can wear them at the beach! retarculous...

Hot and Juicy Guild Member

I'm the newest--and the juiciest--member of the St. Francis Rosary Makers Guild. I had my first member this week where the new members were taught by Mary, Dorothy and Carol. They were sweet and cute little old ladies--just like you would imagine.

I sat at a table with two ladies who were having trouble getting it. Oh yes, I unwittingly sat at the "slow" table. We had to be double teamed to get through our rosaries. This one little Asian lady could not tie the knots to save her life. One of the instructors, Mary, gave her the best backhanded compliment ever: "at least you're not giving up" and then giggled a little bit. I just couldn't stifle the giggles that came out.

The other lady was struggling and then told me that she just isn't very crafty. huh? Am I crazy but isn't making rosaries crafty? so crazy. Mary overheard that little statement and she just walked to the other side of the room without a response. I think I'm going to like Mary. She's feisty.

By the way, I now know how to make wire and cord rosaries so if you ever want one, just let me know. After all, I am a proud Guild member.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Not Nearly Enough

Like a good girl, went to the gym tonight and used the stationary bike. My knee feels fine but I barely burned any calories. I was exercising pretty hard for 45 minutes and I only burned 250 calories. With the same time on the elliptical I can burn almost 400 calories....

I think I'm going to stick to swimming, but I can't swim every day, so what else should I do? I'll take any suggestions for exercises that are easy on my knee but burn a lot of calories.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Not So Bad

After playing hooky for two weeks, I finally went back to Weight Watchers and weighed in. I was expecting the worse because my diet strategy for the past few weeks has been to eat as much as I want and not good.

So I weighed in and I was only up a little bit--1 pound exactly. I felt so much better that I have convinced myself to start over. The first goal they set for you is 10% of your current weight. I am only 3.5 pounds away so I need to get on board with the program. So, if you see me, give me some WW love!

Monday, August 18, 2008

When I Grow Up


I tried to stay away, I really did. Starbucks is like the boyfriend that you just know you should leave but he's soooo good in bed that you decide to look the other way when he forgets your birthday again....ah memories.

I decided to go back and give them one more try since I was absolutely dragging the other morning. The A-team was back! They did everything right. I was in and out with 7 drinks in about 10 minutes. Well, I am officially sucked back in. Don't worry, it won't last. What can I say? I'm retarculous.

Natalie Dee Rocks

I complain about a lot of things here, so I decided to be positive for a hot second. And no, I have not been drinking, but thanks for asking.

I really enjoy the cartoon strip by Natalie Dee. My favorite is one from May 14, 2006 called "face wax". It makes me laugh every time. Enjoy.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Hammer v. D-bag

So I watched the inevitable Michael Phelps/Mark Spitz interview. It was really awkward and not even Bob Costas could cheese it up enough to ease the weird tension. After I watched the interview, I basically had two conclusions: Phelps is a in dumb as a bag of hammers...and Spitz is a d-bag.

Phelps acted like he was completely surprised by the questions and gave trite answers like follow your dream, etc. and the unfortunately un-mustached Spitz seemed like he had been practicing in the mirror for 4 years.

So, who wins the match between hammer and d-bag? My vote is hammer by a slight margin...honestly, it's better if they leave the talking to cheesetastic ol' Bob Costas.

Oh Yeah, That's a YP

The older I get, the more I think the secret to happiness is correctly identifying MPs and YPs, i.e. My Problems and Your Problems. Believe me, I create enough drama and problems for myself--MPs--that I am not going to worry myself about about your problems--YPs.

I saw the best example the other night when NBC was interviewing Mark Spitz as a work up to Michael Phelps breaking his medal record. Mark Spitz said that he was unhappy that "they didn't bring me" to Beijing so that he could personally watch Michael Phelps break his record. He never explained who "they" are (NBC, IOC, Michael Phelps, USA Swim Team, etc.) but it seemed to me that if he wanted to be there and wasn't, then that is a YP. I was dying to tell him myself, you know, but they didn't bring there...retarculous.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Noooooo! You're the Good Starbucks!

As you know, I've had more than my share of retarculous run-ins with some less-than-nice employees at Starbucks. I thought that was the whole point of shutting them all down for storewide training. Well, I think the brainwashing is starting to wear off. The good Starbucks I found near my job is slowly morphing into the bad one. Nooooooo!

They are starting to turn over their employees pretty regularly. They're not making the drinks correctly and aren't so nice when you point it out--even if you do it as nicely as possible. Was it all a mirage? I'm so sad. What can you do? How much is enough retarculousness before you call it quits? It's like a messy breakup, but in this case it's definitely them, not me. Like all drug-out breakups, we will NOT be friends afterward.

Low Riders

I must admit that I've been watching a lot of Olympic swimming. Is it me or are the men's suits just barely clinging on for dear life? I find myself sidetracked from the Olympic action with two thoughts:
1. What's their secret for such a nice, smooth shave? You can just bet they have some good tips. We want to know, guys.
2. Cheer just a little harder so that little Michael comes out. ooooooh yeah

What can I say? I'm a patriot. Go USA!

Do Your Parents Hate You??

One of my client's names is.....Harry Wang. No joke. Oh yeah, gets me every time. At 32, I should be able to say his name without laughing, but I just can't.

It reminds me of an Indian guy from high school whose first name was Shithead--pronounced Shi-theed (again, no joke). The band director at my high school was named Harry Butts and his wife's name was Rosy (could I make this up??). Of course, being a good wife she took her husband's last name so they were Harry and Rosy Butts. giggle giggle giggle giggle giggle

Parents of the world, please do not torture your children this way. A-holes like me laugh...a lot. We tell jokes and come up with awesome nicknames. We are merciless--trust me.

Have any better examples? Leave me a comment. Rest assured that I will giggle.

P.S. I remembered that my guidance counselor in high school was named Mr. Dick. He married one of the other guidance counselors named Mrs. Beaver. After she got married, she went by Mrs. Beaver-Dick. no joke.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Playing Hooky

Don't tell anyone, but I skipped out on my Weight Watchers weigh in today. After making such a big milestone last week, I kinda let myself go this week. Okay, not kinda...really let myself go.

I was afraid to face the bad news so I decided to play hooky just this once. I am going to get back to basics, re-read my first materials and get more energized. It would be a shame to stop now since I'm almost half way there. Thanks for your continued support, bitches!

Starbucks Whore

I'm soooo easy. If you are just a little bit nice to me, then I will be your buddy and loyal customer for life.

The good news is that I found a new Starbucks. They are friendly and do a relatively good job making the right drink.

Now that we've made up, Starbucks has raised ante by announcing a great deal.

If you stop in and buy a coffee in the morning, then after 2 pm you can get any grande, iced drink for $2 if you show your receipt! That's about a 50% discount! How can I possibly resist the lure of half-priced coffee?? It's impossible for a Starbucks whore like me...

Sunday, August 3, 2008

2 Cool 4 Words

I've been seeing a lot of vanity plates lately--usually on crappy,

cheap cars too. One of my neighbors has a little white Dodge Neon with the plate "HOTN3SS" that I must admit cracks me up when I see it. I do give a silent thumbs up to people who put filthy or juvenile things on their car--it's just so inappropriate that I can't stop myself from loving it. I also saw a black Honda Civic with spinners, huge spoiler and the license plate "LUVBETH". I got a picture on my cell phone, but I'm not sure how to get it onto this page. What numbskull thought that he would impress his girlfriend by putting her name on the license plate? (other than me) I guess it's easier to fix than a tattoo... Sometimes, I just don't get what they are trying to say on the license plate. I tried to find a picture, so I picked the chick holding

the "EN PWANT" plate. huh?? Maybe they are just so simple, I'm overthinking it, but sometimes they must be inside jokes.
Why would you do that, people?

The other category are people who are waaaay too into their hobbies. I was behind a huge red Ford truck "NASCARFN" last week on I-15. There are also the people who love, love, love their cat, dog or Luke Skywalker just a little too much. See the totally hot red minivan with the "JEDI" plate below. If the van's a rockin'...I'm going to come and join you...awesome!

If you've got an awesome vanity plate, send me a picture and I'll post it.