Boobalicious

You know, even when you have a professional job, dudes are always checking out your rack. Some are more sly than others, but some are just plain creepy.

We're all familiar with the handshake/stare directly at the boobs, but there are all sorts of other rack-attention give-aways:

1. Full up and down stare while lingering in certain areas (gag)
2. Lingering glance
3. Sneak a peek while my attention is focused somewhere else
(lots of others but for sake of blog space, let's cut to my current fave)
4. Stare while making a tacky comment.

For me, most of these comments come from the homeless dudes huffing paint at the bus stop but for the past 2 days 2 of my clients have said some super duper creepy things:

(Monday) While describing a female co-worker to me, a nerdy co-worker said that she was "well endowed, just like you..." yikes

(Tues) After asking why I didn't bring back a switchblade from Italy, another Creepy McCreepster told me it would be no problem to sneak it back in my bra since "you have plenty of room in there" (with hand gestures) eeeew

Today is Wednesday, people. Which one of you is going to step up a make a comment? I'm depending on you! Creep me out if you can...

Update: During a public hearing Wed. night I was on the receiving end of "accidental" boob contact by not 1 but 2 creepies. The streak is alive! Watch out DiMaggio, I'm coming for you!

Score One for the Nerdy Girls

Do you remember Lisa Loeb's reality show #1 Single where she was looking for a nice Jewish boy to marry? As a little nerdball myself, I always hoped she would find a decent guy. Episode after episode we were disappointed...sigh.

It took a few years, but our wishes have come true. Lisa got married to Roey Hershkovitz--the music supervisor from the Conan O'Brien show. If you want to read more about it, click here. Maybe he'll Stay. har har har

Holy Beyonce Nipples, Inaugural Fashion Goes Awry

Like many of you, I have been looking forward today for some time. Sweet regime change at last! With such a dashing new couple in the White House and the support of so many celebrities, I was looking forward to all the great fashion.

Retarculous nation, we were let down. I am begging some gay dudes to fly to Washington straighten this mess out.

Imagine, you literally have your pick of any designer on the planet to make custom outfits for you. You can pick absolutely anything, so you go with:

1. A dress and matching coat made out of your Grandma's old couch. I appreciate the attempt to use a cheerful color, but it is not flattering for such a pretty lady:







2. A busted wedding gown with sparkly-scrunchy flowers. sigh.

As the New York Times described it: "For Tuesday night’s round of balls, she chose a fluffy, many-layered gown by a 26-year-old designer named Jason Wu. The dress had a one-shoulder strap and was flecked with organza flowers and crystals."

When have the adjectives "fluffy" "many-layered" "flecked with organza flowers and crystals" ever been used to describe a beautiful dress? Um, never.







Here's what kills me. She has worn some great outfits to other inaugural events, like these gems:





Unfortunately, inauguration fever is spreading. Beyonce was elected to sing "At Last" as the first dance song with a completely see-through top. Oh yeah, the headlights were on. I couldn't find a picture, but here's a video. See also picture #14 in this slideshow.





By the way, did anyone tell the Neighborhood Ball organizers that Etta James is still alive? Why couldn't she sing her own damn song? You probably could have convinced her to do it in a see-through top too. hot.

Hopefully this situation will resolve itself. By that, I mean Michelle Obama, not Beyonce. She's hopeless. retarculous.

Guess the Actor

The first person to guess who this actor is gets a prize. On your mark, get set, GO!



To give you a hint, this Oscar-nominated actor hosted a party at Lavo in the Palazzo casino in Las Vegas last night. Yes folks, he was paid to show up and he came in that. yikes.

Eat Your Heart Out, Santa: Cookies to Commence

Thanks to my buddy ol' pal, Cladeedah, I got some little tips on what the masses want from me for my Christmas cookies. Here is the final list:

sugar cookies with frosting
gingerbread men
peanut brittle
chocolate kiss cookies
white chocolate raspberry bars
chocolate hazelnut cookies



I can't wait to get started. I got the ingredients at the grocery store tonight and will start the baking tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Word of the Day: Scalawag

I'm seriously in love with pirate lingo. Walk the plank, matey. Aaaaargh! Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. Battle down the hatches! My personal fave: scalawag...

Honestly, when is the last time you heard scalawag in non-pirate conversation? Believe it or not I heard it tonight on the reality show Real Chance of Love. One of the skanks was making fun of the other skanks by calling her a scalawag. seriously.

I bet you're wondering what this particular scalawag looks like. Here you go:



This lovely wench is a former porn star. Ahoy there, mateys!

Hello?

Hello? Is this thing on?