Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Farewell My Concubine

You may have noticed that I have not bee blogging. Fair readers, I hope you did not end it all in your despair. I have been busy with all sorts of Christmas activities-shopping, baking, going to parties. Oh yeah, it's that glamorous.

Unfortunately, the blog posts will be a little further delayed. I'm having some technical difficults transferring some super hot pictures from my camera phone to the blog. Plus, I am flying to Chicago at the buttcrack of dawn tomorrow. I doubt I'll be able to get to a computer long enough to post...so even if it's a little early:

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

We'll have plenty of hot, egregious, retarculous fun in 2009. Adios!

Friday, December 12, 2008

RIP Bettie Page

Sad news, folks. Bettie Page died yesterday. She was definitely a credit to us fellow brunettes. The world is now a little less glamorous. Rest in Peace, Bettie.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Eat Your Heart Out, Santa: Cookies to Commence

Thanks to my buddy ol' pal, Cladeedah, I got some little tips on what the masses want from me for my Christmas cookies. Here is the final list:

sugar cookies with frosting
gingerbread men
peanut brittle
chocolate kiss cookies
white chocolate raspberry bars
chocolate hazelnut cookies

I can't wait to get started. I got the ingredients at the grocery store tonight and will start the baking tomorrow. Wish me luck!

You Just Don't Listen

People, I give you my swear words, hot pictures and dumb jokes (i.e. everything) yet you make me suffer. For all of you rum-dummies who are on facebook and refuse to join my mafia--I stick out my tongue at you! so there

If you want to redeem yourselves, join my mafia or my tour on battle of the bands. Then, all will be right in the universe. (psst--you don't actually have to participate after you join).

It depends on you, my lovelies. Don't disappoint me.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Fugly Christmas Sweaters--Don't Do It!!

I love Christmas. I love everything about Christmas, even fruitcake. There is one thing I truly can't stand...fugly Christmas sweaters. You know, the ones with all the embroidery and primary that your grandma loves? shudder.

If you are not convinced, then take a look at these masterworks. If I catch you in any of these, I will kick you in the jewels.

If you are still not convinced, just repeat after me...No, No, No, NOOOOOOOOOOOO. Back away from the embroidered sweater--and yes, vests and cardigans count.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Armpit Hair Fiesta Part 2

We have another entrant in the prestigious public armpit ladies' club. Can you identify this armpit?

It's Ms. Sasha Fierce herself......Beyonce! Eeeeew.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

So Lazy, So Hot

I love the camera on my new phone. It helps me to capture the world of retarculousness that continually surrounds me. In other words, I constantly see some crazy shit. I'm like a homing signal for weirdos of all kinds.

Here's a perfect example. The other day I noticed a hot mess old lady in a motorized wheelchair--aka a Rascal. Right behind her was a younger hot mess in a regular wheelchair. You know, the kind of person that you suspiciously wonder if the only reason they are in the wheelchair is because they are fat and lazy...hot.

Anyway, just as the light turned, the Rascal started to move but then stopped...right in front of the bus! I thought she was going to be creamed by the bus but then I realize what was happening: the hot mess behind her was getting into place to grab her shoulders. That way she didn't have to expend any energy to work her wheelchair. retarculous.

Below is the picture of the hot action. Please note the pawn shop and cheezy strip club in the background. Oh yes, I will be submitting this snapshot for contests.