Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Pimples Go Away!

My buddy Perez Hilton and I have two things in common:
1. Love of all things gossip-related
2. Pimples!

Seriously, is there a point in your life when you stop getting pimples? I'm in my thirties and I am in a battle to the death for my little face. I broke down and bought some Proactiv, which normally does the trick, but it just can't cope with the onslaught. I also went to Sephora and got some on the spot sulphur treatment which is more or less helpful.

I need your help, faithful reader(s). What is your go-to weapon in the pimple war? I need to figure this out. Help, please?

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Face It, Your Mom Hates You

If you're like me, you constantly wonder what Beyonce is thinking when she lets her Mom dress her. It's so obvious when she wears regular designer clothes and the shi-tastic designs of her mother.

Here's the latest example from her latest movie premiere:

Down on the Farm

Today I signed up for home delivery from a farm in Utah called Winder Farms. It's pretty easy and the prices are comparable to organic produce in the regular grocery store. The best part is that they promise delivery by 8 am. Hopefully we like it because you have to pay a $25 fee if you stop the service before 24 deliveries.

The only down side is that you have to buy a cooler for your deliveries which is kind of expensive. The cost of the cooler was the lion's share of the first order.

I've heard good things about their products so I hope it works out.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Miss USA Pageant Needs Me!

So, I am faithfully watching the Miss USA Pageant like I do every year. That's right, folks. If you ever wondered who watches pageants--it's me!

When else are you required to judge and mock dumb girls?? How do people NOT love pageants? From the bad walking (sometimes a trip), dumb dumb dumb answers, hard melons and trashtastic gowns from Kohls or something--it's grrrr-eat.

The judges actually asked them political questions this year. They all choked hard core. Some of them didn't have very good poker faces so the panic showed on their faces. You haven't heard such nonsense since last year.

The bottom line is that they need me, desperately. I'm talking to you, my cross-eyed, ill-fitting gown, stomp like a cow, Miss Indiana. I can round up some gays and get there in a jiffy. (Although NJ was definitely more beat down looking) Just ask me, you need me. Trust.

Now for the big moment...your 2009 Miss USA is....

Miss North Carolina (For the record, I guessed right.)

Friday, April 17, 2009

You Let Me Down, Boob Streak is Over

Thursday had plenty of boob action, but today I just stayed home and cleaned my house. So sadly, the boob streak is a thing of the past...sigh...

We'll always have our memories.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


You know, even when you have a professional job, dudes are always checking out your rack. Some are more sly than others, but some are just plain creepy.

We're all familiar with the handshake/stare directly at the boobs, but there are all sorts of other rack-attention give-aways:

1. Full up and down stare while lingering in certain areas (gag)
2. Lingering glance
3. Sneak a peek while my attention is focused somewhere else
(lots of others but for sake of blog space, let's cut to my current fave)
4. Stare while making a tacky comment.

For me, most of these comments come from the homeless dudes huffing paint at the bus stop but for the past 2 days 2 of my clients have said some super duper creepy things:

(Monday) While describing a female co-worker to me, a nerdy co-worker said that she was "well endowed, just like you..." yikes

(Tues) After asking why I didn't bring back a switchblade from Italy, another Creepy McCreepster told me it would be no problem to sneak it back in my bra since "you have plenty of room in there" (with hand gestures) eeeew

Today is Wednesday, people. Which one of you is going to step up a make a comment? I'm depending on you! Creep me out if you can...

Update: During a public hearing Wed. night I was on the receiving end of "accidental" boob contact by not 1 but 2 creepies. The streak is alive! Watch out DiMaggio, I'm coming for you!

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Book Club Suggestions

I am super excited. I joined a book club. The first book we are reading is Water for Elephants, which looks great. Of course, growing up in Indiana I've seen plenty of carnies up close so it might bring back some memories.

Here's my dilemma: at some point, I will have to choose a book. I was thinking about choosing The Kite Runner since it looks really interesting. If you folk out in blog land have any suggestions, I sure would appreciate them. I think all of the book club members are female, if that helps.

Thanks for your help, peoples.

Please Come Back

I have been slowly getting back into the groove of things after my awesome vacation. We ended up going to Paris, Venice, Florence, Siena, Rome, Naples, Pompeii and the Vatican. So many great places, it's difficult to pick a few highlights.

Our favorite place was Paris. I've always had a secret desire to move there which my husband now shares. It's beautiful, the food is great and the people are great. The Metro is clean, fast and goes everywhere. If I ever get the chance, I'm going.

If I had to rank the cities as to my favorites, I'd say:
1. Paris
2. Vatican
3. Rome
4. Venice
5. Pompeii
6. Florence
50. Naples

Naples had great pizza but that's about it. A friend of mine told me before I left that she found Naples to be dirty and scary. Check and check. It's also super-intense so if you are tired and stressed out it is the last place you want to be.

The Vatican was so great. We had great seats for our papal audience and the Pope waved at us when he went by. We have some great pictures. We went to all of the major basilicas shich were jaw-dropping, simply amazing. They are the closest places to heaven on Earth. The Vatican Museum and the Sistine Chapel are unreal.

I think that we loved Paris and Rome so much because they were big cities so they had great amenities. Plus, you just felt like you were a temporary citizen instead of one of a great glob of tourists. When public transportation, fantastic sites and great food is everywhere, it's pretty hard not to enjoy yourself.

We're still getting our pictures together. We have sooo many that we are editing them down to a manageable number. Once they're finished, I'll e-mail out an album or something. Let me know if you are interested. As a warning, it will probably be loooong. Maybe I'll have a picture night at my house or something. Let me know if you peeps are interested.

Glad to be back, ya'll. Thanks so much for the warm wishes. It will be a while before we go anywhere else.