Monday, June 30, 2008

No Show

Lady Hector was a no show at the gym tonight. My friends and I giggled all day about her outfit and hip thrusting spectacularness all day to no avail. As class started, we kept turning our heads to the door everey time someone walked in late to see if she came in.

At first, I though that the people in the class left the space directly in front of the instructor for Lady Hector. Then, I remembered that normal people don't stand there. duh.

The instructor brought it up and we made a couple jokes. My friend did a pretty good impression of her little dance that made the instructor laugh. so awesome.

We even stopped by the front desk and tried to take back our earlier complaints. Our main concern was that we didn't want the instructor to be blamed for low class attendance for Lady Hector. Turns out her real name is Maria.

Hopefully she'll be back next week. Awesome!

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Get Down With Your Bad Self

Riddle me this. Why would you go to a class to the gym and completely do something else? I'm not talking about doing your own modifications to make the class easier or harder to adjust for how you are feeling. I mean, putting your head down and jamming to a completely different rhythm, doing completely different exercises. What the..?

Twice in the past week there has been a lady in my line of sight between me and the instructor doing something completely, 100% different from the instructor. I have a hard enough time staying on task as it is, but it is way hard to pay attention with crazy times happening right next to me. Not to mention that the crazy times lady was a granola type who didn't shave her long black armpit hair...

I just can't figure out why someone would want to come into class if they aren't going to follow the class?? Any suggestions out there? so weird.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Tummy Problems

Today is Weight Watchers day. uh-oh. I will be going to the meeting but I will not be weighing in. It's not that I went crazy eating everything not nailed down or anything. I also went to the gym and stayed fairly active too. So what happened?

I can't weigh in because I've been having all sorts of tummy issues and I mean all sorts of tummy issues. It's pretty gross actually. After I had such a good week last time, I was really dreading today's meeting and I decided not to get myself down by seeing the scale go up.

I'm going back to the drawing board and trying to even everything out. I really hope that I can post good results next week. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Lushies Unite!

I went to the grand opening of the LUSH store in Las Vegas on Saturday. It is in the fancy shops inside Mandalay Bay. I even have a VIP lanyard to show for it! They had a candy bar, martini station in a giant ice block and even Marilyn Monroe!

There was a long line of other supposed VIPs to get in, but it was worth it. I can finally get my hands on all the handmade, all natural body products I need. I used to order everything online, but since I really love their body butters, bath melts and soaps--I had to stop because they couldn't send them in the hot summer months. I also really like their bath bombs.
I got a bunch of goodies, including the Buffy the Backslide Slayer. The Buffy is an exfoliating body butter that has a light lavendar-lemon smell. It is so amazing! Usually exfoliators are horribly drying, but since this is made with both shea butter and cocoa butter, it really moisturizes. This will really help during summer-show-your-legs-season.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Bag Love

Do you love designer handbags? I do--especially since moving to Las Vegas. There are high end designer shops and outlets all over town. My problem is that my income doesn't quite match my taste. Not so exciting, huh?

Problem solved! I just happened across a really cool website that talks about all the newest purses called The Bag Snob. She posts lots of pictures, talks about the size and features of each. It's as if she is in the same room with you.

My favorite by far is the Chanel Bowler. so hot, so awesome

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Back on Track

Great news, fans! I weighed in at Weight Watchers today...and I lost 6.2 pounds! That means that I lost what I gained and then some. I am down a total of 15.4 pounds--which is my new low point. I'm back, baby!

I feel like another 5-pound fuzzy star is right around the corner!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Face the Music

Tomorrow is weigh-in day at Weight Watchers. Since I was at the prayer retreat last week, it has been two weeks since I have been weighed. I have been pretty good but I am still nervous.

Last weigh-in was a soul-crushing disaster, so it's pretty much hard to top that performance. Of course, as I type I hope I am not jinxing myself. I will let you know tomorrow...

Monday, June 16, 2008


If you're like me, you are constantly wondering how to squeeze a little more glam-our in our lives. Who better to learn from than the most glamorous man ever? LIBERACE!

In fact, the first sentence on the Liberace Museum's website is: "For decades, Liberace was known for his music, candelabra, charisma, rhinestones and dazzle."

If you want some old fashioned razzle dazzle during your next trip to Las Vegas, then you should definitely visit the Liberace Museum that displays some absolutely fantabulous capes, sparkly outfits and jewelry. They are open Tues-Sat. 10-5 and Sun. 12-4. If you want more information, you can go to their website:

In all seriousness, this is a much better display than the Elvis-o-Rama that is scheduled to go away soon. See? You learn something awesome every day.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Pie Secrets Revealed

Today is a big day, peoples! I finally conquered pie crust! My lovely husband and I made pie last night. I love to bake and usually have good results--the glaring exception is pie crust. Surprised?

Think about it, people. Have I ever brought a pie in to work to share? Have I ever made you a pie for your birthday? The answer is no. I just can't seem to get it right--too tough, chewy, not flaky, soggy the list goes on and on.

Well, we tasted the pies today, and crust is really good. Believe me, I'm as shocked as you are. You want to know the secret? Prebaking the pie crust in two stages: first, prebake it most of the way and second, brush some egg whites over it to cover up all the fork prong makes and return it to the oven for 2 minutes.

Voila! Perfect results every time! Just let me know when you folks want a pie or the whole recipe. I also figured out the fast way to weave a lattice top crust. Hip Hip Hooray!!

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Silence is Golden

I did not post anything last week because I was at a silent prayer retreat at the Prince of Peace Abbey in Oceanside, California. The retreat was given by the St Pius X Manjummel Foundation that I have done pro bono work for in the past. A Carmelite priest taught us how to pray alone, silently according to the Carmelite tradition, mostly based on the work of St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross. I was completely silent for 5 days--if you can believe that!

Silence was easier than I imagined it would be. It gave me plenty of time to think about changes that I need to make in my life. I can't even put into words the joy and peace of taking some time away to sort things out and strengthen my Catholic faith.

Don't worry! I will be continuing with the blog. For those of you who know me, you just never know the adventures I go on, so this is no different. Another day, more awesome craziness!

The picture below shows a small part of the beautifull grounds and gardens at the Abbey. They had a long Way of the Cross Park with each of the Stations of the Cross. I made sure to go out for walks so I could get my steps in--I wore my bodybugg the whole time!

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Fruit Dip Extraordinaire

Now that summer is upon us, the grocery stores are teeming with juicy summer fruit. Since I'm on a diet (aka " the lifestyle"), I need to incorporate more fruits into my meals. If you're like me, you like fruit but need an incentive to eat it every day. Well, your problems are solved!

I stumbled across an Emeril recipe for a trifle that I adapted to make a light and tasty fruit dip. Here's what you do:

1. Beat 8 oz. cream cheese in your mixer with the paddle attachment until it is creamy.

2. Scrape the bowl down and add the following: 8 oz. sour cream, 1/4 c. brown sugar, 2 tablespoons orange juice, and some orange zest.

3. Mix at medium-high speed until smooth and creamy and sugar is completely incorporated.

This dip tastes great with strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, apples, pears, grapes and cherries. It would probably be good on just about anything, but these are the ones I've tried.

For diet purposes, you may want to consider using reduced fat or fat-free sour cream or cream cheese. I haven't done this myself and it may require increasing the sugar or orange juice. Please let me know if you try it with reduced fat or fat-free products. ENJOY!

So Tired Yet Not Sleepy

Have you ever had the experience of being too tired to sleep? I have been having trouble getting to sleep for the past week. So, I turned to the source of all knowledge for the cure: the Internet. People, there is some awesome medical advice written by crazies and weirdos just ripe for the pickin'.

Here are some of my favorite insomnia cures I found and my general reactions:
1. Rub your temple with cat fat. (WTF? Where do you get cat fat? I think killing an innocent kitty would keep me up for different reasons)
2. Eat chicken cooked with milkweed. (Isn't milkweed poisonous? so weird)
3. Smoke a mixture of black tobacco, toad powder, and honey. (My personal fave)

Given the choice between kitty butchering, putting myself to sleep permanently and smoking something--I choose...(drumroll please).....SMOKE SOMETHING INVOLVING TOADS!

As a side note, late night infomercials are soooo awesome. Currently, I am watching a fantabulous commercial for a Time Life treasury of 70s music hosted by Peter Fonda. Operators are standing by right now for my call!!

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Try, Try Again

Today was weigh-in day at Weight Watchers. Well, it was an unmitigated disaster. I gained 5.8 pounds, which means I erased my fuzzy star. Luckily, they didn't ask for it back. Not to sound crazy, but I foolishly wore a suit without an undershirt so I had to weigh in with the jacket and the bodybugg on. I am telling myself that added about 3 pounds.

I also think that I'm paying for my chocolate cake party more than a week ago. I've noticed that it takes two weeks for my chickens to come home to roost (as Grandma always says). In my defense, the chocolate cake party was totally freakin' awesome. You wanna know why? Rocky road ice cream was also invited. Okay, I better stop now before I break out some more invitations.

On the positive side, I am back on track and ready to get on the straight and narrow. My goal is to get my second fuzzy star by the end of the month--that means 20 pounds. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Your Car is soooo Hot

Young men everywhere seem to heed the call to put all sorts of awesome decorations on their beater cars. Since I'm a girl, I just don't pick that signal up.
One decal that I am seeing more and more is the one on the left. I was sitting behind a twentysomething year old boy in morning work traffic the other day. He was dressed in a buttoned-down shirt, headed to work. At first, I thought the sticker was a weird peace sign. I looked and looked until it dawned on me:
THE SHOCKER! so awesome
For all you pervs, you know exactly what this little symbol is. Don't try to deny it, I can hear your dirty little snickering. For my angelic friends, here's a link to explain:
It even has a whole page of nicknames for those of you with time on your hands. hands (giggle)

New Nephew

Great news! I have a new nephew. I attached a retarculously cute picture of my Dad and two nephews. If, perhaps, I prefer the baby's middle name to his first name, what do you bitches think about calling him by his middle name? Acceptable or not?

Awesome Idea

Living in Las Vegas, you see alot of bad tattoos--I mean alooot of bad tattoos. It makes sense, you can get married drunk here, so why not other awesome decisions like huge, bad tattoos??
Contemplating what bad tattoo I should get the next time I'm wasted, I remembered a fantastic childhood story. It's so awesome, it is hard to contain my excitement as I'm typing now.
So, my Dad's stepdad was a truck driver whose arms were filled with horrible, homemade green ink tattoos-I heart Mother and so forth. One time when I was about 13, I was asking him about his tattoos. He encouraged me to get one and told me that he knew exactly what I should get. He recounted an oh-so-charming story where he was in a bar and a prostitute came up to him. She showed him the inside of her thighs where she had "Christmas" tattooed on one thigh and "New Year's" on the other. Then she asked, "you wanna have some fun between the holidays?" sweet.
Well, if I don't get the fabuloso holidays tattoo, I'm definitely getting something involving technicolor humping unicorns. awesome.

Best Story Ever

I am so excited about this news story. It's tough to point out the highlights because it includes so many of my favorite retarculous things: Jedis filming their backyard lightsaber duel, a 10 liter box of wine, drunk Darth Vader, and a trash bag cape. Here's the link with a video to boot:

Trust me, it's worth the visit. Tell me it's not your favorite story ever, I dare you.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Couch Potato No More

While we were at Palms Place on Saturday, my friend convinced me to start training again to run road races. I did five 5k races last year, hurt my knee and have since switched to other exercise. I always liked the races so I am going to try to run the Las Vegas half marathon this December. It will be a very tall order, but I am going to give it my best.

If anyone is interested in training from a basic level, I originally used Cool Running's Couch Potato to 5k running plan. Here's a link:

Good Luck to all you future runners and former couch potatoes!! Come out to Vegas in December to cheer me on. I will definitely need it, even if Elvis makes an appearance.

Yummy Devil's Food Cake

Hey guys, I wanted to share this recipe with ya'll in case you need a foolproof recipe for chocolate cake. I love Emeril's recipes and this one is especially good. It is moist, dense and rich. I have never used the frosting recipe because it doesn't quite look right. With a good chocolate cake recipe, you can use almost anything, so use your favorite. One tip: use the best chocolate and cocoa powder that you can find.

Here's the link:,,FOOD_9936_29436,00.html

If for some reason that doesn't work, go to the food network website and search for "Devil's Food Cake with Vanilla Buttercream Icing" from Emeril Lagasse.

Enjoy, bitches!

Party at the Palms

I scored an invitation for the opening of the Palms Place hotel/condo tower last Saturday. For this quiet home body, it was quite the LA party scene. We saw Pete Wentz (as he went to DJ for awhile), Ken Paves, Larry Rudolph (Britney's manager), George Maloof (the owner), LA Tan guys with camera crew, Sal Masekela (Daily 10), Constantine Maroulis, Dick Vitale, Linda Hogan and her manboy and too many skankerific whores to count! Jessica Simpson, Ashlee Simpson and Verne Troyer (mini-me) were also there, but they must have been in some secret VIP area that we riff-raff couldn't see. Sarah Larson was also there and the local radio stations are reporting that she was making out with her an old ex-boyfriend, unfortunately, not George Clooney.

Linda Hogan was getting down with her bad cougar self on every young blond dude that walked by--quite the display. Somebody hit the open bar pretty hard. You know, when there is an open bar you always want somebody to go crazy to make the party fun, but you neeeever want to be that person making an arse out of themselves--especially with camera crews lurking about. Thanks, Linda!
We were invited by a nice couple to join them in their cabana, so it was pretty awesome people watching. For the longest time, I couldn't figure out where people were going because they kept walking around and around the pool area. My friend explained to me that they weren't going anywhere, they just wanted to be seen. Boy, am I a crappy social climber. Oh well, at least my boobs are real and I am going home with my husband. Eat your heart out, skanks!

The other great part of the night was running into my former boss who looked more than a little disappointed that we were also invited. tee hee You're not so special after all.

In case you bitches care, you can see a bunch of pictures on one of my favorite blogs Dlisted:

I'm glad we went, but once you get to see the celebs in person you realize how tiny they really are. Once again, fantasy beats reality every time. Come party in Vegas with skanks, woo-hoo!