Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Return of Lady Hector

I used to go to the gym more regularly but I've been missing for a variety of reasons. Do you remember all the infamous stories about one of the other regulars at the gym who was always dressed like a tranny clown? I certainly have fond memories.

Well, I am happy to report that my friend and roving gym reporter Cladeedah snapped a few pictures of the hotness known as Lady Hector. You should be able to pick her out for her pink bandanna and black tights. She's pretty conservatively dressed, but you can tell by her can-do spirit that it's the real Lady Hector.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Sooooo Tired

Okay, which of you fed me some sleepy time pills when I wasn't looking? I have so much to do and plan for our upcoming Europe vacation. My problem is that I have no energy. The problem is that I have been sleepy for a few days now.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Holy Beyonce Nipples, Inaugural Fashion Goes Awry

Like many of you, I have been looking forward today for some time. Sweet regime change at last! With such a dashing new couple in the White House and the support of so many celebrities, I was looking forward to all the great fashion.

Retarculous nation, we were let down. I am begging some gay dudes to fly to Washington straighten this mess out.

Imagine, you literally have your pick of any designer on the planet to make custom outfits for you. You can pick absolutely anything, so you go with:

1. A dress and matching coat made out of your Grandma's old couch. I appreciate the attempt to use a cheerful color, but it is not flattering for such a pretty lady:

2. A busted wedding gown with sparkly-scrunchy flowers. sigh.

As the New York Times described it: "For Tuesday night’s round of balls, she chose a fluffy, many-layered gown by a 26-year-old designer named Jason Wu. The dress had a one-shoulder strap and was flecked with organza flowers and crystals."

When have the adjectives "fluffy" "many-layered" "flecked with organza flowers and crystals" ever been used to describe a beautiful dress? Um, never.

Here's what kills me. She has worn some great outfits to other inaugural events, like these gems:

Unfortunately, inauguration fever is spreading. Beyonce was elected to sing "At Last" as the first dance song with a completely see-through top. Oh yeah, the headlights were on. I couldn't find a picture, but here's a video. See also picture #14 in this slideshow.

By the way, did anyone tell the Neighborhood Ball organizers that Etta James is still alive? Why couldn't she sing her own damn song? You probably could have convinced her to do it in a see-through top too. hot.

Hopefully this situation will resolve itself. By that, I mean Michelle Obama, not Beyonce. She's hopeless. retarculous.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Vote for Mitch Hedberg

In case you don't know him, Mitch Hedberg is a really witty comedian who tragically passed away in 2005 from sudden heart failure. I've seen his Comedy Central special and it's hilarious.

Comedy Central is having a voting contest amongst their more popular comedians so they will show the top 20 vote-getters specials on January 25. Go and vote here. You can only vote once a day but you can vote every day.

I'm counting on you to vote for Mitch. You won't be disappointed.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Guess the Actor

The first person to guess who this actor is gets a prize. On your mark, get set, GO!

To give you a hint, this Oscar-nominated actor hosted a party at Lavo in the Palazzo casino in Las Vegas last night. Yes folks, he was paid to show up and he came in that. yikes.

Keeping My Mouth Closed

I have been home this weekend relaxing and playing Guitar Hero with my hubby. All in all, a very fun weekend so far. He's at work, I'm alone......
Houston, we have a problem. I cannot stop eating. I mean, can-not stop. In my heart, I want to be better but my tummy is another story entirely.

What strategies do you people have to avoid pigging out and staying on target? I apprecite any tips you have.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Addicted to Toffee

My husband works at Williams Sonoma and he brings home treats from time to time. One of the most delicious treats is the toffee. I'm totally addicted. Every day I aim to eat better and get back on track with counting points...then I see the toffee.

The culprit is the milk chocolate almond toffee from Elaine's Toffee Company. I'm not usually a milk chocolate fan but it's perfect with the toffee. The toffee is nice and thick with just the right amount of chocolate. deee-licious.

I Love/Hate Katherine Heigl

So, I took yet another cleaning break to play the new game on E's website so that you can pick the best dressed from the 2008 red carpet. No need to try any further, here's your answer:

Katherine Heigl at the 2008 Academy Awards. She's so perfect, I hate her. She's wearing Escada here, which is one of my personal faves. sigh.

Confessions of a Teen Idol is Suprisingly Entertaining

If you are looking for another schadenfreude experience, I recommend Confessions of a Teel Idol (also on VH1). It stars Christopher Atkins (Blue Lagoon), Jeremy Jackson (Baywatch), Adrian Zmed (TJ Hooker) and Jamie Walters (90210) among others of their ilk.

They have been dragged by Scott Baio on the show to go through a sort of makeover to get them back into acting. They put them through all sorts of humiliating tasks to bring them back down to Earth to let them know they are starting from the very bottom.

Without the relationship drama of Tool Academy, I like this show. You should definitely tune in.

Tool Academy: I Prefer Skanks

I'm watching the first episode of Tool Academy. To be honest, I'm not enjoying it as much as I thought I would. The guys are super-annoying and funny. The problem is that their girlfriend's bother me.

What self-respecting girl would stay with someone who did half of the crap these guys are doing? Oh right, the girls have problems too. It's a cringeworthy examination of dysfunctional relationships.

Rock of Love Tour Bus is more fun to watch because you get to watch cringeworthy skanky times but you don't have to watch relationship problems. I'm not sure how else to explain it. You'll have to watch both and let me know if you agree.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Make Me Want It

Luckily, I don't have children. Otherwise, they'd be taken away due to the filthiness of my house. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration but it's definitely cluttered and dirty.

Since I have 3 day weekends, I really have no excuse for it to look the way it does. My problem is I haaate to clean and easily get overwhelmed. I just don't know where to start.

I've made some progress today but I still have a long way to go. I just wish that I could acutally want to do it. It would make it a lot easier. Make me want it, Lord.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

These Will Solve All Your Problems

Let's face it people, sometimes pants are a drag. What if your legs are cold but your butt is hot? Finally there is a solution to the hot butt problem:

I hope to see you all at the mall in butt-less pants in the very near future. Hop to it!

I Shouldn't Enjoy This So Much, But I Do, I Really, Really Do

In case you forgot to buy me a Christmas present, it's still not too late. My friend has a sinfully great calendar featuring hot priests. no joke.

I found some of the pictures on this website. Enjoy and then join me in confession. It's called impure thoughts, people.

Click on the picture to see a couple more photos.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Skanks on a Bus--Your New Favorite Show

I am re-enjoying the first episode of the latest and greatest genius creation on VH1, Rock of Love Bus Tour. Oooooh yeah.

You may have caught episodes of the previous 2 seasons featuring Bret Michaels and a bevy of dirty whores competing for his attention. The girls are so unabashedly skanky they do all sorts of rank stuff--things lesser gals never even consider.

Well, this year VH1 decided to change the formula and put the ladies on a bus that follows our friend Bret at his shows. During the first show (and before they even meet him), they join him on stage where several of them hump each other and make out. awesome. In general, they get drunk and let the drama evolve. again, awesome.

Unfortunately, my favorite hot tranny mess already got the axe: Nikki/DJ Lady Tribe. This chick was so drunk that she actually took a shot from one of the other girls' gentle parts. Seriously. I am not making it up. It's toward the end of the video. Watch it all the way through. It's totally worth it.

Enjoy the hotness and tune in every Sunday night for the next few weeks.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Retarculous New Year

In my cold-induced haze, I neglected to wish my reader(s) proper new year wishes!
So here goes...

May your new year be filled with glamour, intrigue and plenty of retarculosity.

Here is your example to expire to:

Get to it, people.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Taste of Chicago

Being back in Chicagoland, my husband and I were reminded how awesome Chicago food is. There's nothing like Chicago-style deep dish pizza, Garrett's popcorn, the wreck from Potbelly's, and italian beef. I've just never found anything approaching that yumminess out here in Las Vegas.

Here's where you people come in. I need need need the recipe for Italian beef and the secret for making deep dish pizza. Help, please! How else am I going to keep the extra 15 pounds I gained in November and December??

Halfway Back

I'm back from my Chicagoland vacation. I got in last night at 10--about 4 hours late. I would like to thank our friends at United who were so slow updating their website for the delay that I got to spend all 4 of those hours in crowded O'Hare. Most of that time next to the gate for a similarly delayed flight to Orlando.

In case you have not had the privilege of being next to a gate for an Orlando flight, just stop and think for a second. Who goes to Orlando? Families. Specifically, families with tired and grumpy children who like to cry and throw tantrums. Imagine a whoooole lot of tantrum kids and you can just imagine.

The worst part is that I'm battling a cold too. My ears have not cleared yet and I'm brewing 2 nasty ear infections. I've had so many ear infections in my life, I can pretty much tell...

Anyway, I love you all but you'll have to forgive me if I'm not all the way back yet. Hope your New Year's celebration was drinky-drinky filled fun.