So, I am faithfully watching the Miss USA Pageant like I do every year. That's right, folks. If you ever wondered who watches pageants--it's me!
When else are you required to judge and mock dumb girls?? How do people NOT love pageants? From the bad walking (sometimes a trip), dumb dumb dumb answers, hard melons and trashtastic gowns from Kohls or something--it's grrrr-eat.
The judges actually asked them political questions this year. They all choked hard core. Some of them didn't have very good poker faces so the panic showed on their faces. You haven't heard such nonsense since last year.
The bottom line is that they need me, desperately. I'm talking to you, my cross-eyed, ill-fitting gown, stomp like a cow, Miss Indiana. I can round up some gays and get there in a jiffy. (Although NJ was definitely more beat down looking) Just ask me, you need me. Trust.
Now for the big moment...your 2009 Miss USA is....
Miss North Carolina (For the record, I guessed right.)